What do you think you're doing?

"But to evolve you have to dismantle, and that means accepting the idea that nothing you've created in the past matters anymore, except that it brought you here." - John Mayer
You know me as the Advertising Copywriter that I am now. But some of you know the Graphic Designer. And others, the Pastry Cook. Depends on when you got to know me; how much you know about me. These are the three main phases of my 'body of work', as I'll like to call it, as opposed to 'a career'. Clearly, it's not much of a career because it doesn't follow a single linear path that takes me to a higher plane with each transition. A long time ago, I decided that work should be a series of projects. The thing I'm working on is myself. To some, it would seem like I have a lack of focus, that I don't know what I want, that I'm wasting my time.

You've got to dismantle.

Here's the thing, I know what I want and I want a lot of things when it comes to work. I want to try it all, to challenge myself and see if I fail trying. I want that beginner's mindset––over and over again. Always learning, always growing. I don't want to get comfortable. I'll stagnate. You know what happens when you stagnate? You become grumpy, you become old. And I can tell you, there are scores of grumpy old people trapped in a lot of twenty-somethings out there. Don't become one. Yes, that means you too, umpty-somethings. Sure, this hopping about doesn't build or lead up to a huge monthly paycheck for me, but really, how much is enough? So you get a million bucks. Would it suffice? You'll want two. Bigger toys, inflation, kids, uncertainties, future, retirement. Reasons we can all come up with to pad the stash. It never ends if you're never satisfied.

You've got to dismantle.

Don't you talk about loyalty, because no organisation is ever gonna be loyal to you. The days of retiring with your first job is over. Unless you're talking about your parents. Or you're in Japan. Or you work for P&G. And that's a huge maybe as it is.

You've got to dismantle.

Make no mistake though, I left cooking due to, among other things, renumeration. It's was paltry. It was very hard to live on that. Other reasons: I injured my back; but I think most of all, turning the thing I loved most, something I wanted so much since I was a kid, into work. Hard, laborious, soul-less work, took the joy out of cooking for me. I started resenting it. The one thing I was clear about doing the rest of my life... I stopped loving it. Would I go back to cooking? Maybe. But I think I'll be better equipped to deal with it mentally then I was in the past.

You've got to dismantle.

Everytime I jump into the deep end and struggle to stay afloat, I feel that much more alive. It's the need to survive that keeps me going each time. The need to reinvent myself keeps me engaged. Aware. Conscious. Moving. I don't know what keeps you going. Maybe it's that car you're financing, a better half, a family, security, a house, whatever is important to you, it's cool. It has brought you here. I need work that I'll wake up for.

You've got to dismantle.

Right now, I'm deciding if I should dismantle. Once again. I want a new set of challenge. I want something that makes me a little scared. Where the chance of me falling flat on my face is of the spectacular variety. I dig it. Call me crazy. But I. Dig. It. Tell me 'No'. I want that. Tell me I'm never gonna make it. Or maybe you won't, cos you are my friends; cos you know better; cos you know me well enough; cos you know I'm bone-headed like that. There will be risks and unknowns, but I'll probably go ahead anyway. It will all work out––it's historically proven.

It has brought me here.